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February 15, 2008 |
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Previous Posts |
Not My Time to Shine Today I am feeling disappointed. As you know, I entered the “highway to ellen” contest. You may not know that the winner was announced today, and it was not me. There was something about this contest that made me believe that I had a great chance of winning. It probably didn’t help ease that feeling when approximately one-half hour after submitting my entry, I received a call from a woman at the ellen degeneres show. I was interviewed about the show, my entry, and the friends whose names I also submitted. I admit that when I was called I was BEYOND ecstatic and babbled on as if I were talking to a long lost friend. I talked about how we were silly in college and nicknamed our appliances after characters on the ellen show. I talked about our weekly ellen nights. I talked about our infamous trip in ’05 when I was the sickest I had ever been, but still made it to the show and loved it. I talked about how much fun we have on road trips. I know that I did a GREAT job of conveying my unfaltering admiration for ellen, but maybe not such a great job at conveying how quirky, witty, and fun-loving me and my friends are. I know that someday I will be invited to the ellen show and that she will freak my freak. I’ll get my chance to say “WHUT THE FEBRUARY.” I’ll have my moment. It’s just not now-- nor was it 3 years ago. I didn’t tell many people about that time. Three years ago during Aselya’s first birthday party, I received a call from the ellen degeneres show. I excused myself from the party to have a conversation with one of the producers. I had taken a quiz about being "ellen’s biggest fan." I answered all the questions correctly and did not spend any time on the description—I was not at all expecting to win or to even get called. I wrote something about my ellen nights in college and how I often make people watch segments of the show. When called, I was asked a few more questions of which I also got correct. She told me that I was in the running and they’d call me back if I was going to win. Just as I had given up hope that I was to win, THEY CALLED ME. I was a finalist. At the last minute, I was called and told that I was not going to be one of the two. I was definitely saddened and humbled by it and tried to stay gracious about it. (Can you imagine it being your job to disappoint people like that? No, thank you.) I knew in my heart of hearts my chance would come again. I thought this would be the time. So when I got that call after my submission, I thought I was a shoe-in. I thought I was worthy of the prize. The feeling in my stomach that would not go away was telling me that I was so close to fulfilling my dream. My inability to sleep due to thoughts of driving in a car with my awesome friends with the end result being meeting ellen… well it’s inexplicable. I kept my hopes up. I wanted it so badly, I could taste it. I could smell it. I was so there. Then the signs started to point a different direction. It was getting closer and closer to the day that I KNEW the winner would be announced and I hadn’t heard anything. I kept convincing myself that it was all a big ruse and that I was going to be surprised and that THE UNIVERSE was playing tricks on me. But then I allowed myself to believe the truth. I knew that it was not my time to shine and all I could do was keep asking myself: “Why doesn’t ellen pick me? Why doesn’t ellen choose me?” [I feel like Meredith talking to Derek (yet in a strictly friendly not-in-that-kind-of-love-with-you-sort-of- way): “Pick me! Choose me! Love me!” (If you’re lost that is a Grey’s Anatomy reference and why have you not yet caught on?)] It’s just not the right time. Again. I feel like I will never be able to live down the fact that I didn’t watch the full first season of the show. I was still working at the time and we didn’t have TiVo or a DVR. I watched whenever I could, but I did not watch every episode. I refuse to say I have when I know I haven’t. Each person who has beat me in these contests *claims* they have seen every episode. The universe is against me on this one. I admit that I believe Rebekah Whitey and her friends are deserving of the trip. They will have a BLAST and I look forward to watching their antics and reading their blog entries. It’ll probably make me a little sad, but I’m sure it will also make me laugh. And I? Well, I’ll just sit back and wait for the universe to tell me when it really is my time to shine. I don’t know how much longer I can wait. |
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